The Patron Saint of Better Together

An ongoing joke, a Texan researcher, and why her wisdom is stitched into everything Social Gain makes.

The joke

If you've spent any time at a Social Gain event, you know the rules: there will be tacos, there will be a spicy topic, and at some point — the regulars set their watches by it — I will mention Brené Brown. It's become a running joke, and I accept it with pride. Some people quote scripture. Some quote footy coaches. I quote a research professor from Houston who spent twenty years studying courage, vulnerability, shame and belonging — because her research turned out to be the operating manual for everything I was trying to build out here.

Exhibit A: belonging is not fitting in

Brené's research draws a line I think about constantly: fitting in means reading the room and becoming what it wants; belonging means being who you are, and being received. Every Slide Night runs on that distinction — locals standing up with one personal photo and their real story, and a room that receives them. The manifesto says we create spaces where people become the welcome. That's a Brené idea wearing a Social Gain outfit, and I won't pretend otherwise.

Exhibit B: brave conversations need brave spaces

Her whole body of work argues that courage and vulnerability are the same muscle — you can't have one without risking the other. So when Taco'Bout tackles death, rejection, identity or uncertainty over margaritas, we're not being edgy for fun. We're building what she'd call an arena: a space safe enough to be honest in. Not to fix people — to bring them together.

"Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen." — Brené Brown

Exhibit C: values are a tool, not a poster

At our uncertainty taco, holistic counsellor Charnie Tuckey described rolling butcher paper down the salon bench at 9.30pm to map a decision tree — scoring every option against values. That exercise has Brené's fingerprints all over it: she argues most of us have never actually named our two core values, and that naming them is what makes hard decisions simple. (Not easy — simple.) If you've never done it, her official values list is free. Bring your answers to the next taco. I will absolutely ask.

The patron saint bit

Here's why the joke isn't really a joke. Better Together — the ethos under every Social Gain project — says community is a skill we've forgotten and need to relearn: sharing the load, championing others, nourishing yourself in community rather than outside it. Brené's research says the same thing with citations: we are wired for connection, and the armour we wear against vulnerability is exactly what keeps us from it.

She proved in the lab what we practise in the pub: you can't armour up and belong at the same time.

So yes — patron saint of Better Together. Candle lit, tacos raised. And if you ever catch me getting through a whole event without mentioning her, check on me. Something is wrong.

Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston and the author of Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection, Braving the Wilderness and Dare to Lead — all of which have been spotted around Dubbo, usually under my arm. Posts where the joke continues live under the tag Brené Was Mentioned.