What We Learn When We Talk About Death

Talking about death isn't something most of us rush toward. It's one of the last great taboos in Western culture — yet it's one of the most deeply human topics we could ever explore. This is the story of how we cracked it open: first on the floor of a healing studio in Narromine, then in a room full of curious minds with tacos in hand.

The visit

Before the Taco'Bout, I sat down with end-of-life doula Kaz Hamilton to plan what we'd cover. Death is the spiciest topic we've served to date, and I was honoured to have Kaz as my expert guest — helping people understand the inevitability of dying is her gift.

My eldest son was with us as we sat on the floor of her Harmonious Heart office in Narromine.

"Like anything in life, when we experience death or dying for the first time, we don't know what to do. We're neither equipped for it nor want to deal with it."

"I remember when my first grandparent passed," Kaz told us. "In those days kids didn't go to funerals. All this trauma would have been going on around me, sadness and unhappiness that I didn't even know about — because for me, that person just suddenly wasn't there."

That prompted me to share about the death of my sister-in-law, and how I couldn't accept it — so I wrote her a letter instead of saying goodbye at the hospice. My son, only two at the time, was very close to her. The next time my children and I experienced death close to us, I made a conscious decision to walk with our friend and her family on that journey. And I finally understood what people say about this sacred, privileged time.

Kaz, in her way, went straight to the healing: "Whatever you are dealing with or whatever you have done in the past, do not judge yourself — we can only do what we know, and the best we can, in any particular moment."

Before we left, Kaz played her sound bowls and explained how each bowl matches a note on the C scale. On the drive home to Dubbo, my teenage son and I talked about death and dying. That conversation alone was worth the trip.

What the room learned

A death doula — Kaz calls it being "a soul midwife" — is a non-medical support person who helps individuals and families navigate the end of life. Just as birth needs support, so does dying.

Why these conversations matter. Kaz reminded us that planning for death should be as normal as planning a budget. When the time comes, it's too late to figure out what someone wanted. It's not just wills and legalities — it's the human stuff: dignity, rituals, conversations, connection.

The power of presence. We talked about what it means to hold space. Often it's not about fixing things, but being present — sitting with someone who is dying, listening to their fears, or simply offering silence.

"The most important part of my role is holding space — being the external one who is not emotionally tied to the emotional work that needs to be done."

Practical questions, honest answers. The audience didn't hold back: How do you start a conversation with someone who's dying? What do you say to their family? What does a peaceful death look like? And yes — what about euthanasia? Kaz didn't shy away from the complexity, but one theme ran through it all: choice matters.

Living with the end in mind. Perhaps the most surprising insight? Talking about death makes life richer. When we name our fears and wishes, we free ourselves to live with more intention. As Kaz put it: "We need to stop fearing death and start learning how to live well until the very end."

The Dead End Coffee Club

Along with her work at Harmonious Heart and the Western Cancer Centre in Dubbo, Kaz and her friend Sharon Bonthuys run the Dead End Coffee Club in Narromine — a safe place to discuss end-of-life matters over a cuppa.

"It's really there to hold space for people going through whatever it is they're going through — not just those grieving a loss," Kaz says. "A lot of us put everyone else first. Even when it's someone else's diagnosis, we go into a mode of 'I've got to look after all these people around me.' But what about your own awareness of your mortality? Where do you go to process that?"

Where to go next

Harmonious Heart — Kaz Hamilton's practice
Dead End Coffee Club, Narromine
NALAG — National Association for Loss and Grief (Dubbo office)
Tender Funerals, Port Kembla — community-led funerals, what a legacy
Voluntary Assisted Dying — SBS Insight (full episode)
With thanks to audience member Craig: Death, with love and dignity (podcast)

Kaz Hamilton is an end-of-life doula, registered mindfulness and meditation teacher, and reiki and sound bath practitioner. She found these practices invaluable through her own breast cancer diagnosis in 2015 — but it was the peaceful passing of her mother-in-law that cemented her passion for holistic care around death.

Spaces like Taco'Bout It exist for exactly this: to break down the barriers around conversations that matter. Because when we talk, we connect — and when we connect, we build communities where no one faces life's hardest moments alone.