Ghosted by a job, a date, or a friend? Welcome back Renee Webster for the taco that asked what rejection actually means — and who it’s really about.

It started with the Olympics

The idea for this night came straight from the Games. Three athletes, three relationships with rejection: Dunedoo’s own Jami Leeson, who with ramp operator Jasmine Haydon won Australia’s first-ever women’s Boccia medal — silver — at the Paralympics. Raygun, whose breaking performance made her the most publicly judged Australian of the year. And every athlete who didn’t make the team at all. We also riffed on the Brat Pack documentary — a masterclass in what rejected actors make rejection mean about themselves, decades on.

So: what’s the weirdest way you’ve ever been rejected? And how do you bounce back?

Who is rejection actually about?

The turning point of the night was a story I told about not being invited — and everything I made that mean about me. Renee’s reframe landed like a plate of hot tacos:

“That story is about Mrs Smith. Not about you.” Rejection speaks more about the person doing the rejecting than the one being rejected.

We tested the folk wisdom too. Who believes “everything happens for a reason”? And is that true — or is it something we tell ourselves after a rejection to make it survivable? Maybe both. Maybe that’s fine.

Rejection as liberation

Ever been rejected, only to realise it was the best thing that could have happened? I once applied for a job and was super upset about the rejection — until I noticed the role was only ever a means to something else. The sting wasn’t about the job at all. Renee matched it from the dating world: we often grieve the rejection itself, not the thing we supposedly lost.

Which raises the sharper question: is the fear of rejection more harmful than rejection itself? Enter Jia Jiang, who ran a social experiment seeking out rejection daily and wrote Rejection Proof about it. His three takeaways, served to the room: when you’re not afraid of rejection and feel you have nothing to lose, amazing things happen. Mastering a craft requires weathering rejections to get to an acceptance. And the big one — what you need is not acceptance from others but acceptance from yourself: “Being comfortable with who you are is a prerequisite — not the result — of seeking others’ approval.”

Fitting in is not belonging

We closed on the distinction that ties this whole series together, via Brené Brown: fitting in is assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are — it requires us to be who we are.

Renee’s final word to the room, and to you: “Don’t reject yourself.”

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Renee Webster is a psychological therapist and the founding guest of Taco’Bout Wednesdays — she opened the very first taco, on identity, and returned for this one. She later co-created Grounded at the Orana Every Woman Festival. About Let’s Taco’Bout It.